


Mommy Has a Date Tonight

by EvilRegalsDamsel



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Girl Penis, Miscarriage, Post-Divorce
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-16
Updated: 2019-04-16
Packaged: 2020-01-15 03:14:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18490174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EvilRegalsDamsel/pseuds/EvilRegalsDamsel
Summary: Those five words got Kara’s heart beating faster and her hands shaking around her tight grip on the steering wheel.





	Mommy Has a Date Tonight

“Mommy has a date tonight.”

Those five words got Kara’s heart beating faster and her hands shaking around her tight grip on the steering wheel.

It’s been a year since she divorced her ex-wife. And now Lena had a date.

 

 

*

 

 

You’d think a year is long enough to let go and move on; to start a new relationship with someone new and stop living in the past; but not for Kara. It’s not like she didn’t try. Even though she wasn’t ready for a relationship –or even your sporadic one night stand as it is– she did try to move on on her own. She did try to forget Lena, she did try to tell herself she didn’t need Lena.

God knows she tried.

She let Alex take her hiking and camping. She let her mother take her to church. She let her friends take her to bars and clubs. She would do anything to keep her mind from going back to Lena. She even started taking cooking classes even though she didn’t like to cook at all, just to keep herself busy. While she learned how to make new recipes, she wouldn’t think about her.

But then she would go home at night and she would be alone and she wouldn’t be able to think about anything but her.

She tried but she couldn’t let go.

And now Lena had a date.

 

 

*

 

 

“She told me she would go to the movies with aunt Sam but I heard her talking to someone on the phone; I think his name is Jack; she said she would meet him at seven.” Her eight year-old daughter says, looking out the window.

Kara looks at the little girl through the rearview mirror. Avery was the spitting image of Lena. Same hair, same creamy skin, same mouth. But she did have Kara’s eyes and; according to Eliza; Kara’s nose. Although Kara didn’t think one could judge an eight year-old’s nose, since it changes a lot through the years.

Avery had that sad look on her face that Kara could easily relate to. And Kara had to swallow to get rid of the big lump she had in her throat. She couldn’t break down in front of her daughter. It was pathetic enough that she’d break down crying in front of her family and friends every now and then.

“What have I told you about eavesdropping?”

“Not to.” Avery says, looking down at her Barbie doll.

“That’s right.” Kara’s voice comes out harsher than she intends to and she takes a deep breath, trying to calm down. She looks back at her daughter and finds Avery pouting her lips while playing with her doll, which makes her feel guilty for the harsh tone she had used. “Hey, what do you say we grab some ice cream?”

Before; Avery would have cheered and jumped on her seat at the promise of ice cream, now; she just shrugs and keeps her eyes down. And Kara just nods her head, wishing she wasn’t driving so she could close her eyes to keep the tears from streaming down her face.

 

 

*

 

 

After tucking her daughter in, Kara lets her body fall on her own bed and shuts her eyes tightly. The migraine was killing her and she had given up trying to get rid of it with pills long ago. She also tried natural medicines and different teas but nothing helped. Night after night, she had to take the pain until sleep took over.  

Though she doubted she could sleep at all that night.

It was 8 pm. Lena should be on her date with that Jack. Kara wondered where he had taken her. Maybe some fancy restaurant, maybe some artsy place. Maybe he had taken her out of town, on a one night trip to a cabin in the woods or a beach house. Or maybe Lena just went to his place and they were fucking right now.

Kara threw her arm over her eyes to protect them from the bright bedroom light as she remembered; once again; the moment where everything went wrong.

 

 

*

 

 

“I’m deeply sorry...”

It felt like the floor had opened under Kara’s feet. She felt like she was free falling, even though she was safely sat on the hospital chair. She could hear her heart beating in her ears and her lips getting dry.  

She gripped the chair arms tightly as the doctor told her, her wife had lost their baby. Kara was barely listening to the mid aged man, the noise of her fast heart beating in both her ears making it hard for her to make out the words he was saying.

From that moment on, she was on automatic pilot. She remembers leaving the doctor’s office and meeting her mother and sister outside. She remembers the hot and bitter tears rolling down her cheeks as her mother held her tight. She remembers Alex telling her it would be ok. She remembers, as if it had been yesterday, the shattered look on Lena’s face when the doctor gave her the news. And she remembers her wife crying freely on the hospital bed and pushing her off when she tried to hold her, while saying “Don’t touch me” in a broken voice.

 

 

*

 

 

Kara wipes the tears away when she hears the doorbell.

As soon as she opens the door, Alex sees her red eyes and nose and she doesn’t need to ask anything. She knows the reason of her tears, it’s _always_ the same. She just hugs Kara, which makes the younger Danvers cry freely on her sister’s shoulder. Alex is used to it, she just lets Kara let it all out.

 

 

*

 

 

_If only I had stayed home that night…_

That has been Kara’s mantra for the past year and a half.

If only she had stayed home after that fight, instead of going out with her friends. If only she hadn’t fight with Lena at all. Then maybe, just maybe, their baby would have been born. Maybe they would still be together. And happy. Maybe she wouldn’t spend her nights crying herself to sleep. Maybe now she wouldn’t be torturing herself with thoughts of Lena with some faceless man.

 

 

*

 

 

Lena wouldn’t even look at her.

On their way home, after she was discharged from the hospital, she kept her green eyes on the road. Her face was expressionless, almost catatonic. And when they got home, she just went upstairs and locked herself in their bedroom, making it clear to Kara that she would be getting the guest room.

Kara was thankful their daughter was staying at her mother’s place. She wouldn’t have been able to deal with the little girl, she was barely able to deal with _herself_ as it is.

So she just sat down on the floor at their bedroom door, and spent the night there, crying her eyes out and hoping Lena would open the door at some point and let her it. But she never did. She cried herself to sleep, just like Kara did. And the next morning, when she finally opened the door, she walked past Kara as if the blonde woman was invisible.

It went like this for months. More specifically, six.

Lena would ignore her most of the time, no doubt blaming Kara for what happened although she never said it out loud. But Kara knew it. She could tell by Lena’s cold stare and how she would pull away every time Kara tried to comfort her.

And although they were still together, they were both as alone as one could be. Dealing with their pain on their own. Keeping everything to themselves. Faking smiles for their daughter and pretending nothing happened whenever the seven year-old was around.

Until one day Kara couldn’t take it anymore. She was tired of being shut out. Tired of being pushed away. Tired of Lena silently blaming her for everything. Just _tired._

“Lena, talk to me.” She asked in a desperate tone, before her wife could lock herself in the bedroom and ignore her for the rest of the evening. “Even if just to blame me for everything, but just say something.”

Lena didn’t say a word.

“Say something, damn it!” Kara yelled, losing her patience.

And for the first that day, or maybe even in days, Lena looked directly at her. “I want you to leave.”

 

 

*

 

 

“Do you want me to make us some margaritas?” Alex asks, trying to cheer her sister up, once Kara stops crying.

“Can you watch Avery for a few hours?”

Alex frowns a bit. “Where are you going? You’re not going after her, are you?”

“I need to do this, Alex.” Kara stands up, grabbing her phone and keys.

“Kara, you shou–” Alex tries but Kara is already out of the door.

 

 

*

 

 

After staying inside of the car; parked in front of Lena’s house; for almost an hour, Kara finally gathers the strength to get out and walk to her door.

When Lena opens the door; already in her pajamas; she looks worried and scared. “What are you doing here? Is Avery ok?”  

Kara nods immediately, calming her down. “She is fine, Alex is watching her.” And when Lena doesn’t say anything else, she continues. “Can I come in?”

Lena just stares at her for a couple seconds, before nodding her head and moving aside so Kara can come in.

It’s been a long time since Kara had stepped into her old house. Normally, she wouldn’t make it past the porch whenever she picked Avery up. Everything looked the same, except for the portraits of them together and had been replaced by pictures of Lena and Avery.

Kara can’t help but look at Lena’s ring finger as she closes the door. There wasn’t a ring anymore. Kara still had hers.

“You look good.” Kara says when Lena turns around to face her.

Lena takes one deep breath. “What do you want, Kara?”

What did she want?

She wanted to go back in time. She wanted to go back to that night and stop herself from fighting with the woman standing in front of her right now. She wanted to take back every word she said that night and just tell Lena how much she loves her.  

 

 

*

 

 

“Do you honestly have to go out every weekend?” Lena asked her wife as Kara got ready to leave.

“Babe, you’re talking like I go clubbing or something. It’s just a get together with three of my friends.” They almost went to the same bar every saturday night to have some beers and just talk. Kara always tried to get Lena to come along but her wife almost never wanted to.

“Still. It’s not like you’re a college kid anymore. You have a wife, a child, another one in the way.”

Kara raised her eyebrows at Lena’s words. “So? One can’t have fun after they marry and have kids?”

“So you don’t have fun with your family?” Lena asked, getting upset.

 _Maybe it’s the pregnancy hormones._ Kara thought, not making a deal out of it. “Of course I do, baby. But I also like to spend some time with my friends.”

Lena huffed. “And then you’ll come home in the late am and sleep until past noon. Will you ever begin to behave like an adult?”

Kara rolled her eyes, putting her shoes on. “Lena, what the hell is wrong with you today?”

“Oh, I don’t know…” Lena said, grabbing her chin and pretending to be thinking. “Maybe the fact my wife behaves like a kid, or maybe it’s because she rathers spend time with her friends than with me and our daughter. Or maybe it’s because I’m pregnant and need you to rely on but you just want to keep living like you’re nineteen!”  

“Why the hell are you suddenly mad about it? It’s just one goddamned day a week, Lena!”

“It’s _every_ goddamned Saturday, Kara! And then you’ll be either hangover or too tired to do anything the next day. And there goes our weekend.” Kara could hear the frustration on Lena’s voice but she didn’t get why her wife was so upset about it all of a sudden.

“You’re overreacting.” She said, shaking her head a little.

Lena shook her head as well, but a lot more violently. “You know what? Just go. Go and have your fucking fun!”

Lena left the room and Kara followed her to the kitchen. “What do you want me to do, Lena? Would you be happier if I didn’t have any friends like you?”

“Fuck you, Kara!” Lena almost yelled, slamming the door at the blonde’s face.

“Yeah, fuck me. When you stop acting crazy, let me know!” Kara yelled through the door.

When Lena didn’t say anything, Kara left the house.

 

 

*

 

 

“I just…” Kara squeezes her wrist, something she always do when she’s nervous or anxious. And she was both. “Lena, can we please… can we talk?”

Lena’s face softens a little when she sees just how nervous Kara is. She couldn’t say no, she owned Kara –and herself– that conversation. Nodding her head, she sits down on the couch and Kara does the same, making sure to leave enough space between them.

Kara can feel her hands shaking and Lena notices it. “Do you want some water or maybe a cup of tea?”

Kara shakes her head no. She just wanted to have that much needed conversation already and let everything out of her chest. “Lena, I… I didn’t want to start this with an ‘I’m sorry’ but I am. I am really, _really_ sorry for what happened. I know that you blame me. I blame myself too. I–” Kara can feel the familiar lump starting to form itself in her throat and swallows, before continuing talking. “I shouldn’t have fought with you that night; you were right, by the way. I also shouldn’t have left. It’s all my fault. I did that to you. I got you upset and then you…” She can’t stop the sob that falls from her open lips. “I was so fucking stupid. God, Lena, I’m so sorry.”

Kara is crying freely now. And so is Lena.

There are so many things that Kara wants to tell Lena but the loud sobs won’t let her. She squeezes her wrist hard, trying to keep the tears at bay and failing miserably, her whole body shaking with the force of her sobs. She wasn’t supposed to be crying, she was supposed to be having a calm and sincere conversation with Lena, but she just can’t bring herself to stop.

And then she feels it. Lena’s warm hand on her shoulder. And when she raises her head and looks at her, she finds several tears wetting Lena’s face. And she wants nothing but to hold her tight and never let go. She wants _so_ bad to pull Lena into her arms and comfort her and tell her how much she loves her. How she never stopped loving her.

But much to her surprise, it’s Lena who throws herself at her arms. She wraps her arms around Kara’s neck and holds her like her life depends on it, crying on Kara’s shoulder. Kara puts her own arms around Lena’s waist, pulling her as close as possible and soon, Lena is sitting on her lap.

Now it’s Lena’s body that’s shaking uncontrollably. Kara keeps an arm around her waist to keep Lena on her lap and with her other hand, she holds Lena’s head to her shoulder, softly stroking her hair. Seeing Lena this broken, makes Kara grab a hold of herself and stop crying. She needed to be strong for her.

Lena’s tears wet Kara’s shirt and makes her cold, causing goosebumps on her skin. Lena is fisting her shirt, as if afraid Kara would pull away. Then she turns her head and Kara feels her hot breath on her neck, intensifying the goosebumps on her arms.  

 

 

*

 

 

Kara thinks she imagined the soft kiss on her neck. But then she feels another. And another. And soon, Lena is covering the length of her neck with kisses and holding the back of her neck to keep her there.

And Kara is confused and aroused and happy and miserable, all at the same time.

“Lena…” She tries to pull her away but Lena doesn’t stop.

She continues kissing Kara’s neck and then she moves her lips over Kara’s jawline and stops at her mouth. They kiss. Kara can taste Lena’s salty tears as they kiss desperately. Lena changes her position, stradling Kara as their tongues find their way into each other’s mouth.

Kara groans when she feels Lena move her hips forward, sitting right on her hardening cock. Kara reaches out and grabs her waist as Lena tugs softly at her hair and kisses her for dear life. Kara had missed those lips so much, she doesn’t find it in her to stop Lena, even though she knows she should.

They shouldn’t be doing this. Not like this.

And it’s only when Lena reaches down to cup her half-hard dick that Kara holds her wrist, stopping her.

“Lena, no.” Kara breaths. “Not like this.”

“Don’t you want me?” Lena is not crying anymore but her eyes and nose are red and her face is still wet.

“Of course I do.” Kara wipes away the remaining of her tears. “But this is not the time.”

Lena blinks a couple times, sniffing and nodding her head. She gets off of Kara’s lap and stands up, looking kind of ashamed. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s got into me.” She clears her throat and runs her hands through her hair, trying not to look like a mess.

But she did know. Loneliness. Vulnerability. Hurt. And most importantly; the fact that she missed Kara like hell.

Kara stands up and reaches for her carefully, afraid Lena would pull away now that the moment was over. But Lena doesn’t pull away, she welcomes Kara’s hug and holds her back.

Time seems to stop as they hold each other tight, both needing the other’s comfort and warmth. Kara makes soft circles on Lena’s back while Lena rests her head on her shoulder. And even though Kara knows it’s not truth, everything in the world seems to be right. Seems to be fine. Lena’s perfume hitting her nostrils, the softness of her body against Kara’s own, her hot breath on her neck.

“It was not your fault.” Lena whispers into Kara’s ear. Then she pulls away just enough to hold Kara’s face in both hands, looking into her eyes. “It was not your fault, Kara.” She repeats. “It was an accident. I don’t blame you and neither should you.”

Kara shakes her head. “It was my fault. I made you angry and–”

“Stop.” Lena says in a firm tone. “Just stop it. I had been stressed out for days because of work before that night. Which was the reason I snapped at you that night. You didn’t make me angry, I was angry already and I took my frustrations out on you. And I’m really sorry for that.”

“But the fight–”

“It was a silly fight, Kara. I was stressed out and my hormones had gone crazy.”

Kara pulls away from their embrace. “You wouldn’t let me near you, Lena. You wouldn’t even talk to me. You asked me to leave. You _left_ me. And now you say you don’t blame me?”

“I had just lost my baby, Kara. I was depressed!”

“He was _my_ baby too, Lena! I was fucking depressed as well!” Kara raises her voice, even though she really didn’t mean to. “But I never pushed you away, I never ignored you, I never shut you out! I tried to be there for you, to comfort you and… Goddammit, I needed you to comfort me too! He was my child too!” 

Covering her face with both hands, Kara starts to cry again. She was feeling so many things, so many _bad_ things and the fucking migraine was back at full force.

She feels Lena reaching for her but, this time, she pulls away. “I spent six months following you around like a lapdog only to get kicked every time. But you know what, I did it gladly before I love you and I understood your pain and all I wanted was to be there for you but you wouldn’t let me. And it’s been a year and a half and all this time…” She sniffs. “I’ve spent all this time blaming myself and no matter what you say, a part of me will always blame myself. But if you didn’t… if you didn’t blame me then I really can’t understand why you’d push me away.”

“Because this is what I do, Kara!” Now it’s Lena’s turn to raise her voice although she rapidly lowered it as she continued. “This is how I deal with my emotions. Every time something this horrible happens, I just lock myself in my shell and don’t let anyone in. You wouldn’t know because until that night, everything had been pretty much perfect between us… I didn’t grow up in a happy family like you did, Kara. I grew up in a house where the most love I’ve got was from the maids and my babysitter. I’ve learned to keep my pain to myself, to keep everything to myself.”

Lena stops for a moment to massage her temples and Kara knows her head must feel like it’s about to explode just like her own. “I’m sorry, Kara. I really am. But that’s not something I can change, trust me I tried. I’m _still_ trying. I’ve lost you because of it and I’ll never forgive myself for that.”

At this point, Kara doesn’t know what to do.

She doesn’t know if she holds Lena. If she yells at her. If she leaves. If she stays.

Only thing she knows is that she loves her. She loves that woman more than life itself and although life with her could be difficult, life without her was living hell.

She wanted to heal and she wanted Lena to heal. She wanted them to heal each other. She wanted to be able to smile again and she wanted to see Lena and their daughter smile as well. She wanted her family back.

Taking a deep breath, she pulls out her hand for Lena to take. And when Lena holds it, Kara pulls her to her body and holds her again.

This time, the hug is different. It’s not a desperate one. They’re not afraid the other will pull away. This time, they just enjoy it, letting the warmth of it comfort their broken hearts.

Kara kisses the top of Lena’s head and Lena sighs softly at the feeling. It felt like being home again. They were each other’s home and that hasn’t changed. And although they were broken, it wasn’t to the point of no repair. They could fix things. They could fix each other. For the first time in a year and a half, they both believed it.  

“Can we have that tea now?” Kara asks, with a last kiss to Lena’s forehead.

 

 

*

 

 

They drink the tea in silence and then they go to _their_ bedroom. Lena lies down in bed, over the covers, and Kara lies behind her, holding her by the waist.

They don’t say another word, that could wait until the next day. They just close their eyes and wait for sleep to take over.

And for the first time in a year and a half, they both sleep peacefully all through the night, without the need of pills. All they needed was right there, in their arms.


End file.
